


Too Much of Not Enough

by Hiisi



Category: Supernatural
Genre: ALL the issues, Abusive John Winchester, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Anxious Dean, Daddy Issues, Destiel Smut Brigade, Family Issues, M/M, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Socially Awkward Castiel, Students
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-11
Updated: 2017-05-28
Packaged: 2018-07-14 12:25:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7170932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hiisi/pseuds/Hiisi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean find himself forced to attend highschool for the first time as his father drops him and his brother Sam into Bobby's care for a year. He wasn't surprised, feeling like he was never enough for anyone, and prepared his defense barriers to survive school. That was until a strange blue eyed teenager came into the equation, shaking up everything he took for granted. [Destiel]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer : Not mine, Supernatural's. Surprising I know !
> 
> So, this was as usual planned to be an OS but I'm slowly coming to the realisation that I'm terrible in keeping stories short. You can therefore expect a series out of this I think. I hope you'll like it and I would be extremly grateful for any comment, as to know what you thought and if I should continue it ! Thank you very much for reading this, enjoy !

The sun was battling the clouds for dominance on this moody September day.  
Dean Winchester frowned as he looked at the Highschool gate standing in front of him.  
He thought that once he turned 18 everyone would finally lay off and stop forcing him into an educational system that was obviously not fit for him, but here he was once again.  
His father had just taken his usual leave from any responsabilities, including his own children, blaming it on that cursed Yellow eyed demon and on life itself.  
All Dean could hear was that “he didn't had a choice”, but it seemed to him that putting revenge before what was left of their family was already a pretty clear choice.  
One his father would never admit making, but that kept scarring everyone deeper and deeper with time.  
They would therefore find themselves at Bobby's again while John was running after imaginary leads and as always, the grumpy old man would only agree to take them in if they agreed to get a proper education. Sam always lightened up and agreed vigorously, taking the opportunity to learn everything he could. His little brother was his pride and joy, Dean always encouraged and admired the smartness and talent of the kid. He knew Sam would have a bright future in front of him, even if he couldn't see it himself yet.  
When the right time come, he would pull him out of that misery buisness his father had going on and help him find something he never truly knew. Happiness and hope for a better life.  
Dean put all his faith in him, especially the faith he didn't had in himself. He had tried convincing Bobby to give up and let him become a full time hunter or to at least let him find a job.  
He wasn't the smartest one, he wasn't especially good at anything when it came to school, he wasn't even good at human interaction.  
Sure, he knew how to flash pretty smiles that made everyone blush and he knew how to keep a popular image but all of it was just acting.  
Everytime he tried to be himself with anyone they would only end up leaving him or being taken away from him in the most brutal way possible.  
He always lived in constant fear or what was to come, of what was luring in the dark.  
Between the knowledge of what was truly out there and the fear of losing anything more, you could say that Dean Winchester was an insecure mess under his tough guy appearances.  
That is why he had quickly made a deal with Bobby to be home-schooled, using as an excuse their frequent moving and arguing that it would be too complicated to get to know people to have to leave them.  
The old man had finally agreed, teaching them what they needed to know himself until this time.  
When John had brought the boys to his house on a warm summer evening, he had opened his door without hesitations or questions but had given John one condition.  
The boys would have to stay a full year, without sudden life chaging interruptions and luggages making in the middle of the night.  
They would stay with him in Lawrence, Kansas and go to school like any other kid of their age. They deserved to live at least one normal year in their whole lives and to make friends.  
It would also be an opportunity for them to catch up and get a proper learning experience, be a part of a school team, anything that didn't involved guns and digging graves.  
Dean had tried to intervene but he knew that he was done for, if it meant getting rid of him then his father was ready to accept anything. And he did.  
He wasn't mad at Bobby, he loved the man, he was more of a father than his own ever was.  
He was just getting more and more anxious as the days passed by at the idea of being merged into a crowd of curious and restless teenagers.  
As the new kid, he would be the subject of everyone's attention and he already hated it.  
He would have to keep his act on at every moment while staying somehow distant, not revealing anything significant about himself.  
Then he might be fine. Exhausted but fine. Today was the day and he thought a whole summer would give him enough time to prepare himself mentally to the task, but truth is, he felt even less comfident now that he was seeing people enter the gate. He had been stading there for what seemed like hours, his back against the Impala, trying to find the courage to get in.  
Sam had already left long ago, a cheerfull expression on his face. Dean laughed to himself, thinking that the kid never looked happier.  
He definitely looked like he was going on holidays more than going to school.  
After all, if his brother was so excited about this he owed him to give it a try and attend it like he promised he would.

Dean took a deep breath, adjusted his leather jacket and slowly made his way in a serie of calculated moves.  
He already could feel the stares on his back and the whispers when he entered the corridor.  
He knew how school was supposed to be, he had passed by some of them during cases but never as an actual student. He winked at the pretty girls as he walked by, held his head high.  
That was until he realized that he had no idea where he was going. Bobby had told him to go straight to the secretary, where someone would give him any information needed.  
That was obviously great, but where was that office? He hadn't really thought about it and just assumed it would be in a central spot or at least indicated.  
Indeed, Dean knew nothing about school's properties and their lack of human logic. He sighed and look around, seeing nothing helpful until he spotted a guy that must be around his age holding a handmade map of the school.  
He quickly made his way towards him and tapped lightly on his shoulder.  
“Hey man, sorry to barge in like this but I'm new here and I'm completely lost. I'm looking for the secretary's office. Do you have any idea of where that would be?” he said in a rush.  
The young man jumped a little from the interuption and snapped his head up, looking at him with big round blue eyes that made Dean gasp.  
He hadn't expect him to be that pretty, from afar all he could see was a messy mass of black hair but now that he could get a proper look at him he was taken aback.  
His stare was so blue and intense, like nothing he had ever seen before.  
It seemed like the man could see right into his soul, not caring about any defense barrier he could pull up.  
He felt panick run through him, he needed to get away.  
He couldn't let anyone see him, not look at him but actually see him. Not to help his case, the guy was gorgeous.  
His black hair were falling just above his bright eyes, leading you in to their hypnotic stare. He had a strong jawline and beautiful plum lips that made Dean want to nibble on them.  
That was bad, extremly bad. Dean was just coming to terms with his attraction to men but he had never really dared to explore it too much and even less act on it.  
He had realized that he would look at men as he would look at women, feeling a desire for both without distinction but that was it.  
Never did he stopped on one man in particular, liking the idea of men but never considering that he could be interested in one special man.  
A deep voice brought him back from his torment to only make the latter worse.  
“It's no problem, I was actually going to head there myself. We can walk there together, follow me.” the black haired guy said before getting up.  
Before Dean could say anything he was running to catch up to the young man that was already walking away.  
He was embarrassed as he couldn't stop shivers from running up his spine when he heard his voice. It was probably the most erotic thing he had ever heard, he had to admit it.  
He ran a hand on his face as he caught up to him, slowing down to walk by his side.  
“Thanks for the help, I really appreciate it! I saw you with the map, are you getting familiar with the place or are you into some kind of treasure hunt?” Dean laughed slightly.  
The man next to him furrowed his eyebrows before looking at him.  
“Why would I look for a treasure in this school? It has no history of hidden relics. It is my first day here as well, I have just been transferred from an all-boys boarding school.” he answered.  
“Not really into jokes, are you? Well, at least it's good to know that at least I'm not the only one to be wondering about this place.” Dean added, seeing him nod.  
“My brothers often tell me the same thing. That might be why people don't stay around me so much.” he stated, regret darkening his blue eyes.  
Dean felt his heart tighten at the sight and quickly said without thinking “If people are stupid enough to stop at that then they don't deserve to be around you. I'll gladly be around you at any given time, you seem like a good guy. Let's help each other between newbies!”.  
He held out his hand to him, wondering what the hell he was doing but not able to stop himself.  
He just couldn't see him looking so sad and defeated even if he had no idea about why he even cared about it. He saw the blue eyes shine brightly and a smile lighten his face.  
A hand shook his firmly and he felt electricity run through his whole body from the touch.  
“That is the most wonderful idea I have heard in a while. My name is Castiel, by the way.”  
“You really are unconventional! I'm Dean, it's nice to meet you.”  
Both men seemed to be lost in the moment, just staring into each other's eyes, not letting go of their handshake.  
As strange as it was for the both of them, it didn't feel awkward or weird. It felt natural, like they already knew each other for an endless number of years.  
A tall man with short blond hair suddently cleared his throat, standing in front of them.  
“Mr. Winchester and Mr. Novak I presume? I have been looking for the both of you. The bell rang some minutes ago already, didn't you hear it? I've been expecting you, everyone else already checked in for their timetables. My name is Gadreel and I'll be your consellor as you just arrived, but we don't have time for more. You must hurry to class, here are your temporary schedules. We will be overseeing them together later. Hopefully you have this first class in common so you can both now follow me. I will guide you to your first period which is Physics so you can avoid losing more time than you already did.” the man said, stuffing papers in their hands before making them a sign so they follow.  
“There is a lot of walking happening in this school, isn't there?” whispered Dean while rushing to keep the pace.  
He swore at himself, like being the new kid wasn't enough, he needed to be late to make sure that all eyes would be staring at him when he entered the class. Just what he wanted. And with a babysitter. Good job.  
Gadreel stopped out of the blue, Dean bumping into him awkwardly even if he didn't seem to notice, and knocked on a door. The teacher let them in, insisting some more about how late they were as they made their way in.  
“Would you mind to introduce yourselves, since you're both new in this school?” he asked.  
So they did. Dean founding some comfort in how awkward Castiel was, stating his name flatly like if this was an identity check .  
Maybe he had some hope in the end.  
He could already see some girls giggling at the back, trying to get his attention.  
They were shown to their seats, one behind another, close to the window and they finally could catch a break.  
Part of the students shifting their attention back to the teacher.

Dean was bored to death. Sciences were never his strong point but that was pure torture.  
At least at home he could talk to Sam or grab a snack, even if Bobby gave him a disapproving look in the process.  
He grabbed a piece of paper and scribbled a hanging version of himself with the mention “Please end my suffering.” under it before slowly slipping it on Castiel's lap.  
He felt oddly satisfied as he jumped lightly from the touch, stiffening a little.  
He heard him cover a small laugh as he read the note, quickly writing an answer back.  
Dean opened his hand under the table where Castiel put the note back.  
It read a delicately written “A bit of a drama queen, are we? I guess you dislike physics?”  
Dean put the paper in his pocket to grab a new one, drawing himself as Romeo on his death bed with a “Without your entertainment, life isn't worth living in this deadly atmosphere.” and passed it back to Castiel. Not being able to control himself, Castiel bursted into a laugh when he laid his eyes on the sketch, catching the teacher's unwanted attention.  
“I am glad you find physics so entertaining Mr. Novak. I was trying to pass on your lack of attention and doodling because this is the first class but since you do not show me the same respect by making an effort, I think you should go see Gadreel.” he snapped.  
Castiel sighed, seeing no point in fighting back and packed his bag before leaving out the door without a word.  
By the time the class finished, Dean was feeling terribly guilty. Because of him, Castiel got in trouble on his first day and he at least owed him an apology.  
He spent the whole break looking but he couldn't find a sign of him. The day went by like this, with him wondering and looking for the other new kid.  
He ignored every student trying to talk to him, isolated himself during classes, making himself look unvoluntarily more interesting and subject to rumors or gossips.  
Everything was going wrong for one moment where things were for once going right.  
He gave up when Sam met him by the Impala, still not seeing any black hair through the ocean of colors and haircuts at the exit of the school.  
“What's up? You look like you lost your favourite teddy bear. Did you already managed to get a girlfriend?” teased Sam while climbing into the passenger's seat.  
“Shut up bitch, I didn't. It was just a very weird day.” answered Dean in a sigh as he started the engine.  
“Coming from a guy who hunts ghosts and other monsters as a hobby, that must indeed have been something if you call it weird. ” laughed his little brother.  
“You have no idea.” confirmed Dean, feeling utterly lost.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer : I still don't owe anything but the story, the characters belong to Supernatural.
> 
> Here I am, with a second chapter that I really hope you will enjoy. It is a bit shorter than the chapters usually will be but I'll make it up to you I promise. Thank you so much to anyone that has been reading and following this story. It means the world to me and it would be even more wonderful if you have time to tell me what you thought in a review ! Enjoy !

Dean was playing with his pen, letting it hit the side of the table at a rapid pace.  
He only stopped from time to time to bring it to his mouth and bite the end of it to ease his nerves.  
He had hoped that from the moment he would be home, things would get back to normal and that his worries would just fly away. Unfortunately he was wrong, very wrong.  
If anything, his anxiety got worse. He couldn't understand why in the hell he was getting so worked up over someone he just met and didn't even really knew anything about .   
Adding in the process a lot of frustration in the equation. He didn't knew what to think or feel so he did what every Winchester does : he buried it all as deep as he could, prentended that everything was fine while it obviously wasn't and silently raged on his lack of control over the situation by passing his nerves on anything he could. Since Bobby already refused to let him fire even salt bullets in the backyard, here he was, molesting a poor pencil. That was of course, without mentioning his brother that had just about enough of his moody attitude.  
Sam was trying very hard to concentrate on the first homework he already got but it seemed like an impossible mission. Between the pencil, the leg moving up and down under the table and the constant sighs of his big brother, he felt like ha was slowly becoming insane.  
They didn't have enough space to have seperate desks or rooms, so they ended up having to work together at the dinning table. Out of patience, Sam slammed his brother's hand on the table to make him snap out of his litany.  
“Dude stop! You're driving me insane, what the hell happened to you today? And don't tell me that nothing did happen because that's bullshit. You should know by now that your tough guy act doesn't work with me. Spill your guts or shut up and let me work.” ranted Sam with a frustrated look.  
“It's nothing important Sammy, sorry I'm being a pain in the ass. I guess I'm just anxious about being in school, about dad and all. I'll chill I promise. As a matter of fact, I'm gonna take a break! I'll be in a better mood when I come back, I promise!” said Dean in a voice deep enough to hide all his actual fears and secrets in.  
Sam frowned with a concerned expression, not buying the excuse but he decided to let it pass. He knew that there was no point in insisting with Dean, that all he would do would be to push him away even farther from his real troubles. With some luck maybe he would talk to him about it when he felt ready.  
“Take a break from what? You didn't even do anything!” teased Sam with a small grin.  
“Shut up, it's all in my head! I just have to write it!” argued Dean, already getting up.  
“Wow, then I'm totally reassured!” laughed the younger one.  
“Whatever bitch!” shouted Dean as he walked away towards the room they shared.

Dean closed the door behind him, throwing his shoes off and letting himself fall on his bed.  
He was finally enjoying the comfort of his own bed when he felt his phone buzz in his pocket.  
He tensed, his first reflex being to think that his dad was calling. And that was never good news, if his old man did call it was either to order him to take the car and join him on a suicide mission from which they would make it out barely alive or because he was drunk off his ass.  
The latter seemed most likely, regarding the deal they had with Bobby and that was not reassuring Dean one tiny bit. His father was already a piece of work sober but when he was under the influence it was even worse. He would keep reminding Dean how worthless he was, how he should have been the one to die in that house fire, how everything that was wrong in their lives was his fault.  
There were days where Dean did wish he had died in the fire that had taken his mom away, so he wouldn't have to live with the pain. He would trade his life for hers in an instant if it was any worth to anyone. She was the light of his life, and since she faded away, all that remained was pure darkness. Dean tried to go through it blindly, for Sammy's sake. He felt like the kid would be better off without him anyway but the thought of leaving his little brother alone with his father just scared him out of his mind. So he kept on going, one day after another, not knowing any purpose and not having anything to look forward to except Sam's happiness.

Dean breathed deeply, preparing himself as much as he could to the flow of swearwords and hurtful rants his father's voice would soon whisper in his ear as he pressed the button to answer his phone.  
“Hi?” he said in an unsure voice, his hand clenching on the blankets unconsiously.  
“Hello, Dean?” asked a deep familiar voice.  
“Um, yeah. Who's this?” wondered Dean in surprise as he realized that it was not who he thought it was.   
“Oh good, I have the right number. This is Castiel, from school. The other new kid?” explained the man on the other side of the line, obviously nervous not to be remembered.  
“Oh hey man! How did you get my number? What happened to you? I'm so sorry about earlier, I never thought that the teacher would be such a dick as to throw you out for that! I didn't mean to get you into trouble!” quickly said Dean, in a hurry to get the weight off his chest. At his own surprise, he realized that he was also afraid. Afraid that the guy wouldn't forgive him.   
He heard a deep throaty laugh that seemed to send electricity through his whole body, so he sat down and tried to swallow properly as his throat suddently felt dry.  
“You were worried about me? How adorable! I didn't take you for the sensitive or remorseful type Dean. Everything is fine, it was a lot of cinema over nothing. When I arrived at Gadreel's office and explained why I was there so early, he just rolled his eyes and told me that it was just the teacher settling boundaries by making an example more than anything else.” detailed Castiel.  
“Oh...I've been looking for you afterwards but I couldn't find you anywhere so I assumed that you were in deep shit because of me. I'm such a moron, I'm sorry.” said Dean, ignoring the teasing and feeling like the biggest fool. Why couldn't he keep his mouth shut and his attitude in line with that guy? Whenever they talked or look at each other, words seemed to run out of him without giving him the time to think about them twice. It was dangerous, way too dangerous.  
“I had an emergency at home so I had to leave. That's actually why I call, Gadreel gave me your personal number because you and I are teamed up in quite some classes. I might have to miss some days already because of...a situation. He told me that maybe you could take the homeworks for me and keep me updated so I don't already get lost? Between newbies? And you were looking for me? Be careful Dean, I'm going to start thinking that you're interested in me.” specified Castiel in a charming tone.  
Dean decided that the way Castiel was saying his name in his beautiful deep voice was his new favourite sound. He couldn't bring himself to refuse him anything when he was using that tone.  
“I'm sorry man, sure I'll keep you posted. You have nothing to worry about. And so what if I'm interested? You're kind of a catch between your messy hair and your weird ass sense of humor!” smile Dean.  
He couldn't even believe what he was saying. Maybe it was possession after all, because there was no way in hell he would usually have the confidence to joke like that. Or was it a joke? He didn't even knew anymore. All that this conversation was doing was to confuse him even more than he already was in the first place. He bit his lip when he heard Castiel laugh again at his statement.  
“Thank you, I appreciate that. All of that. You're not bad yourself. Your dramatic vision of the world is also pretty charming. If we work together maybe I can bring a happy ending to all this suffering.” joked Castiel.  
Dean stopped for a moment, knowing just fine that he didn't mean it but it also sounded so...good. For once he actually hoped that the stranger would keep his word.   
“That sounds like a plan. To our joyful collaboration then.” answered Dean before they started exchanging details about themselves and their families, “to know who they would be stuck with”.  
Deep inside, they both knew that there was more to it. A bond was forming between them and by the time Dean hung up he heard Sam call him for dinner. He didn't even see the time pass.  
Could he really allow himself to make a friend? He felt like he didn't deserve one. After all, Castiel would only leave him like everyone else once he saw that there was nothing worth sticking around about him.  
But for once, he fel hope creep back in like a little light he had forgot the existence of.  
He didn't knew where this would lead him but he knew one thing, he was already lost running on that path.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's back ? It took some time for me to update this story and I'm sorry about that but here it is and I hope that you will enjoy it !   
> Thank you so much to whoever follows this and keeps on reading, it means the world to me !   
> Also, don't hesitate to leave a review ! I would be really happy to hear what you thought about this ! Enjoy !

One endless week. It hadn't been long since school started and Dean was already bored to death.  
The other students were finally finding other things to talk about than the new kid, he could feel less stares on him as he entered the hall and he surely appreciated that.  
His evenings were rythmed by projects, homeworks and long conversations on the phone with Castiel until Sammy whined about being bored by himself.  
The classes were going better than he expected. He even surprised himself by looking forward to the Mechanics class he had picked.  
He spent lunches outside, trying to get as far away as possible from all the noise, emotional mess and hormones emanating from the hundreds of teenagers running through the cafeteria.  
Dean didn't mind being on his own, it was easier and he didn't have to pretend.  
His only problem was that he needed to hide half of the time, and today was no exception.

He saw Lisa Braeden looking at him from her locker and whispering something to her friends, followers might be more accurate, before slowly walking up to him.  
Dean sighed, it was already too late to walk away and pretend that he didn't see her as she saw him looking at her. He looked around nervously, praying for an escape.  
She was the leader of the cheerleaders and had for some reason decided that they were meant to be.  
Wherever he was going, Dean always seemed to fall on her. Everytime they talked, she would hold on his arm and imply things that Dean never wanted to imagine again.   
He had enough cringing material in his life to add more to it.  
He did let her know from the first day that he was not looking for a relationship or anything of the sort, that all he wanted was to go through this school year with as little drama as possible.  
She pouted for a minute before ignoring his statement completely. Not more than an hour after, Dean hear rumors stating that they were both dating and “doing it like animals in the janitor's closet”.   
He denied all of it with vehemence at every occasion and avoided her like the plague but it never seemed to be enough.   
Sure, he had his fair share of flirts and misunderstandings but none had ever been as persistent.   
After some time, Dean realized that she did understand that he wasn't interested, she just didn't care.   
She decided that they would be together and nothing seemed to be able to stop her.   
Hell, just yesterday, as he was at the local supermarket with Bobby and his brother he had to hold back a horrified scream when she just appeared in front of them out of the blue.  
She had the guts to introduce herself as Dean's girlfriend and to say in his ear, loud enough for everyone to hear, that the condoms were in Alley 7 before taking off.  
Dean was mortified as his family was dying from laughter, poking him in the ribs and teasing him.  
Needless to say, he did not want to start the day by having to deal with her again, especially after the previous day's scene.  
As she was getting closer, calling his name with enthusiasm, panic was raising within him.  
That was until he felt a strong but delicate hand on his shoulder and a deep voice that made his heart skip a beat, or two.  
“Hello Dean.” said Castiel as Dean turned towards him with the most greatful smile he had ever seen.  
“Cas! Oh my God, you're back! Your timing couldn't be better!” shouted Dean, pulling the other boy in a tight hug before even realizing what he was doing.  
He heard Castiel's chuckle and felt his hands caress his back up and down in a reassuring move.  
They heard Lisa clear her throat, standing behind Dean with her arms crossed.  
Understanding that this wouldn't be enough for her to leave him alone, Dean finally let Castiel go with regret and a desperate look.  
At the second he did, he felt a manicured hand wrap around his shoulder like deadly tentacles.  
As he refused to turn around, Lisa put her head on his shoulder. Dean's whole body tensed, trying to contain his anger.  
Before she could say anything, Dean felt Castiel's hands on his cheeks and two soft lips against his own. He felt like he might pass out, right here and then.  
Things were happening too fast for him to follow, two seconds ago he was envisaging to purchase a rape whistle so maybe people would understand how he truly felt towards Lisa's attitude and now he was kissing his only friend. Not that he hadn't dreamt about it.  
If he was being honest with himself, which he rarely was, he would admit waking up in sticky bedsheets on some occasions with blue eyes haunting still his mind.  
But how did it come to this? Hundreds of questions were rushing through his mind, anguish battling butterflies in his stomach.   
He realized that he had moved his arms around Castiel's neck and that he was answering the kiss with passion, biting his friend's lip slowly as he obtained a groan from him.  
Dean's eyes snapped open and wide, coming back to reality when Lisa almost screamed in his ear.  
He quickly backed off, his face turning into a new shade of red as he noticed Castiel's grin and that the whole school seemed to have stopped what they were doing to stare at them.  
“I missed you.” simply said Castiel while stroking his cheek.  
Dean was confused and shoked, wondering if he should just run out the door and never come back to this goddamned place.   
On another hand, he didn't want to leave Castiel, no matter how weird or awkward the situation between them would be once they were alone.  
A little voice in his head kept on whispering that maybe he was feeling the same way as Dean was, maybe it was his one chance at happiness.  
But his insecurity always kicked right in, telling him that it was just a joke and that there was no way that anyone would ever want him.  
Especially not someone like Castiel.  
“I missed you too.” whispered Dean as he cleared his throat, avoiding eye contact.  
No matter if this was a game for his friend or not, it was the truth. He did miss Castiel terribly even if they only knew each other for a week.  
He had offered to pass by his place to give him the assignments and work on their projects but Castiel always came up with an excuse, insisting that they better talk over the phone and exchange the papers through emails.  
Dean knew that there was something wrong and suspicious about the whole thing but he couldn't ask or do anything about it, at least not yet.  
If his friend was in trouble, he wanted to know more about it before barging in and ruin everything.  
He looked up at Castiel that seemed to beam from joy, offering a warm and comforting smile.  
That is also when he noticed the fading bruise on his friend's cheek and eye along with the fresh cut splitting his bottom lip.  
Dean frowned and was about to comment on it when he heard his name being screamed in a high pitchy voice.  
“DEAN! What the fuck is happening here? How can you let this...thing, touch you like this! And right under my nose, how dare you?!” screamed Lisa as he finally turned towards her.  
“Look, I told you to back off more times than I can count but you just don't seem to get it. We are not together, I don't owe you shit. You and I? Never gonna happen. And call my friend a “thing” once more and we'll have a real problem. Trust me, you don't want that to happen.” argued Dean in a sharp voice that let no room for negociation.  
He rolled his eyes as she started to cry and her friends ran by her side, glaring at him.  
“Oh honey, don't be mad. It's not your fault if I'm prettier than you. He's just not that into you.” laughed Castiel, looking at her with a pout.  
“You...you'll pay for this.” she raged, pointing a finger at him.  
“I'm shaking, tuly. Now if you don't mind, I'll take my boyfriend away from your drama. We have a lot of catching up to do before the classes start. If you know what I mean.” he said blinking at her.  
Castiel then grabbed Dean's hand and turned around, leading him to the yard under a sea of whispers and shoked faces.  
Dean obediently followed, his eyes still open wide. He gasped as he saw his brother standing next to the door with arms crossed and a grin on his face, mouthing a “We'll talk later.” to him.  
He passed a hand over his face, that was one thing he did not looked forward to.  
As they reached the yard, Castiel let got of his hand and turned to him with a smile.  
“What the hell just happened?! BOYFRIEND?! What are you talking ab-...” ranted Dean right away before his sentence was swallowed by Castiel's lips on his own again.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After way too long I am back with a new chapter !   
> Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to read and comment so far. It really means the world to me.  
>  I'm so happy and surprised as I did not expect much from this fanfiction, so seeing how you guys like it is truly amazing and motivates me to write more of it !   
> I hope you'll like this chapter and i'm looking forward to know what you think about it so please leave a comment if you can !   
> Enjoy !

He must be dreaming, that was the only explanation for all this mess.  
Castiel's lips on his own, rough and demanding, his hands caressing his sides.   
That surely sounded like the classic developpment of one of his fantasies but surely not like one of his school days.  
He still responded to the kiss with enthusiasm no matter how confused he was, because after all who was he to refuse this opportunity he had been craving for.   
At the moment he didn't care whether it was a dream, a bad joke that might end up hurting really bad once he caught up with reality, a weird rescue plan, or if maybe just maybe Castiel was confessing to him.   
All he knew was that he felt warm, loved and wanted. Something that hadn't happened in a very very long time.  
He didn't want this kiss to end, he didn't want to go back to his lost and insecure self.  
Dean desperately grabbed on his friend's hair as he pulled back for air and tilted his head to gain access to his neck.   
Before he could say anything, Dean started to suck and bite on a soft spot under the boy's strong jaw, being rewarded by a low moan.  
One of Castiel's hands was playing with his hair as the other sneaked up above the fabric of his jeans to give his ass a squeeze and push him even closer.   
Their hips then bump into each other, sending electricity through Dean's body as he realized that Castiel was as hard as he was.  
He gasped at the thought and looked down in surprise to see the buldge in his friend's pants.  
He snapped his head up, his gaze meeting Castiel tender one as the boy chuckled.  
“I just love how flustered and surprised you look. Did you really think that this would have no effect on me while I jerk off every night at the very idea of it?” he whispered, bumping his hips into Dean's once more.  
Dean's face was probably the brightest shade of red possible at that moment and he utterly felt at loss of words. He opened and closed his mouth, not sure on what to say to that, making Castiel giggle even more.  
“You didn't see me did you? I was at the supermarket yesterday with my brother when I saw you, standing next to your family. It will sound ridiculous but God, I just couldn't stop thinking about you since the day we met. Everytime we talked on the phone it was the highlight of my day and I was so happy to fall on you. Until I saw fucking Lisa throw herself at you, so I don't know when I saw it happen all over again this morning something in me snapped. I'm sorry if I scared the living hell out of you but this bitch needed to get lost and well...I want you really, really bad.” confessed Castiel as he bit his lip and a veil of uncertainity covered his eyes.  
“You shouldn't, you really shouldn't. I'm a mess and a fuck-up but I want you too...I'm not even sure that this is actually happening, it's so freaking weird. I mean, I got up this morning trying to think of a way to avoid Braeden and I end up in a corner of the school's yard grinding against you.” groaned Dean.  
Castiel laughed once again, making Dean's heart dance in his chest.  
“I can help you realize how real this is if you want...” said Castiel as he nibbled on Dean's ear lobe and pressed his back against the wall.  
Dean wanted to protest and point out that it was too risky, that Castiel shouldn't get too close to him but he just couldn't get the words out.   
He let him put his hands on his ass and pull him up to grind against him, he wrapped his legs around his waist to make it even easier and he kissed him like his life depended on it.  
He tried to tell himself that this was a terrible idea but the overwhelming sensations and feelings this was provoking within him just shut everything else.  
Castiel bit on Dean's lip to hold back a load moan, making his breath hitch some more.  
There was so many things he wanted to tell him, so many things he didn't want him to know at the same time.   
He wanted Castiel to know how he made him feel, how he gave him something to look forward to, how he was the first person to get so close to him.  
“Oh my God, Cas...” he started in a breath.

“Oh come on! Sweet Mother of God, I'm not paid enough for this! Winchester, Novak! Swallow your hormones back and get in my office, now!” grunted Gadreel, looking away and holding up a hand in front of him.  
“Oops.” said Castiel, freezing in his spot.  
Dean felt completely mortified and prayed to all the Gods he knew for the earth to open under his feet and swallow him whole.  
Castiel helped him down slowly and grinned at him. It almost looked like it was fun to him, that he found their embarassment hilarious. Where was the introverted boy he met on the first day gone? The one that was safe to be around? The Castiel he had in front of him now was flirty, not ashamed of anything and he hated the fact that he found that terribly endearing. They fixed their hair and clothes quickly while Gadreel's feet was hitting the floor in an impatient pace.  
Seeing that they were ready, the man pointed them to the door. Walking next to Cas, that started to develop a purple mark on his neck, behind Gadreel in front of all the students that were now heading to class felt like the worst walk of shame possible.  
A lot of them were stopping to point at them and whisper, gasp and giggle.   
Dean could already feel a headache emerge as he already heard rumors and scandals form on their way.   
He shot people dark looks everytime he could pinpoint who was spreading something, only adding fuel to the fire unintentionally.  
“Just leave them. They're just jealous or frustrated by their own lives so they have nothing better to do than make up scenarios about other peoples'. They can't help but wish that we feel as miserable as they do so they can consider themselves in a norm.” stated Castiel coldly, earning offended looks from some students.  
Dean nodded, taking a deep breath he walked in silence, trying to block everything out.  
“Don't let them tell you who you are, decide the worth of your acts, turn you into something you're not. As long as you're happy with something, with someone and mostly with yourself, nothing else matters. If they don't understand that, they can go fuck themselves.” continued the black haired boy on a bitter tone that made Dean frown.  
“Novak, language! What is up with the two of you? Don't you think I hear you?” reprimended Gadreel, turning his head to look at them.  
They both muttered a “Sorry” and thankfully arrived at the counsellor's office.  
Dean's blood ran cold when he caught a glance of Lisa, standing there with her eyes red from the crocodile tears she hadn't stop showing to everyone.  
Castiel saw it and discretely gave his hand a squeeze, reminding him that he was by his side and wouldn't let anything happen.   
Dean gave him a grateful smile as they followed through the door.

“Sit down, all of you. Miss Braeden came to see me this morning after you all made a scene in the hall, saying that you were manipulating her and then humiliated her voluntarily in front of the whole school. It was also brought to my attention by many students that you were having an inappropriate attitude and relation. Now let's make something clear right away, I do not care one bit about your sexual orientation. Whether you are friends joking around or in a relationship, it is your right.” said Gadreel as he sat in his chair, going through some notes laid on the desk in front of him.  
On the last sentence, Lisa tried to intervene on which Gadreel only held a finger up to silence her.  
“There won't be any kind of discrimination under my watch. You are free to love whoever you want but you are still subject to the same school regulations as any student. Mr. Winchester's brother and some other students also reported to me that the situation you describe Miss Braeden was happening the other way around. Therefore I'll treat this like all school confrontations and give the three of you a week of detention for causing trouble until I can see the bottom of this story. That might put some sense into you. Miss Braeden, you're free to leave now but I'll keep Mr. Novak and Winchester some more.” he continued very seriously.  
Lisa tried to argue but was only showed the door that she slammed on her way out.  
“Well, now there is the two of you left. You will understand that I have to sanction what I unfortunately witnessed in the yard. You are lucky you are new to this school and that I was the one looking for you. I should be suspending you but I would rather avoid that when school started not long ago and it would only make this whole story worse. I will therefore add a month of detention to the two of you and that's only because it's your first time being in trouble. Do this again and there will be serious consequences, am I clear?” asked the counsellor.  
“Yes Sir!” answered Dean and Castiel at the same time.  
“Good. Now get to class and quick. I don't want to hear about you for the rest of the week or I'll call your families so we can all talk about what happened today.” he threatened even if the boys doubted that he would actually do that.  
“Right away, thank you!” said Dean, hurrying to the exit with Castiel on his heels.  
“Bye Gadreel, have a nice week!” shouted Castiel as he closed the door, earning an eyeroll from the man in question.

“Well, that was a close call.” whispered Castiel as they walked to their common English class.  
“I can't believe I did that. I'll only get you in trouble, don't you get it Cas? I'm not worth it!” answered Dean with panic in his eyes.  
“What are you talking about? You're acting like I wasn't the one who started it all in first place. Dean, trust me, if I didn't want to do something I wouldn't. There clearly is a problem with the way you see yourself because all I've seen so far is a good, gentle and funny guy that is way too hot and adorable. I have my own share of issues, we're all broken Dean. Some are just better at pretending that they aren't.” reassured Castiel as they got closer.  
“There is so much you don't know about me Cas, how can you be sure that I won't end up being an utter asshole?” asked Dean.  
“We all have the potential to destroy each other, I just like to think that there is still good in people. There is people who will love you inconditionally, no matter how much you think that you don't deserve it. Because they see in you what you can't see for yourself, and there is a lot of things that I see in you Mr. Winchester that you're blind to. I guess we'll just have to open up to one another!” concluded Castiel with a bright smile as he opened the classroom door for Dean.  
This guy was full of surprises and Dean knew at that moment that he had embarked himself on something big that he might not be able to control and that terrified him, but for once he was okay with it.   
He was ready to deal with it if it meant that he got to know more about Castiel. He was indeed done for.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Homophobic language and attitude for the plot but I do not approve of these in any way. So if you are in any way triggered by it please stop around the middle of the story and I'll see you in the next chapter!
> 
> I know, Christmas miracles are real! No you are not dreaming, it is a new chapter indeed.  
> I'm so sorry it took so long but in my defense a lot happened since I posted the last one.   
> I moved country, started a new job and more so life has been busy but I never forgot about my stories. I guess I was just too afraid to write something too quickly and for you guys to hate it, I still am, but I decided to post this anyway now that I'm on holidays and catch up on my other stories soon too! So if you follow any of these, bear with me a little longer with me?  
> Anyway, I really hope you like this short chapter so please leave me a comment if you can to let me know what you think!  
> Thank you so so much for reading and being here, it means the world to me.

Dean looked out the window with a sigh, no matter how hard he tried there was visibly no way that he could focus on what his teacher was rambling about. He felt torn to say the least.  
Between joy and terror, excitment and anxiety, confidance and endless doubts.  
He was chewing on his pen nervously, trying to ignore the intense stare he could feel on his back.  
He kept telling himself that there was no point in checking it, he knew well enough who it originated from, which did not help his current state at all.  
Dean couldn't stop thinking Castiel's words over and over. They seemed so genuine that he had been taken completely off guard. Something about that boy was different, he could feel it and he just didn't know how to cope. Sure he never had a problem dealing with people before, but that was only because he knew that they would never get to him. Castiel seemed to be able to see right through him, to get under his shell without an effort. Hell, he was sure that the guy would be able to tell if he was lying or if there was anything wrong just by looking into his eyes.  
Sure, he had to dodge embarrassing questions before from his perceptive little brother but it was different. They grew up having only each other, it seemed logic that they knew the other better than themselves.  
Castiel was different. They met only recently and yet it already felt like decades.  
There was something about the clue eyed boy that moved him more than Dean would like to admit, something that kept him awake at night and forced him to tell the truth.  
To play pretend wasn’t even an option with him and honestly, he didn’t even want to.  
Dean bit his lip and looked over his shoulder to immediately fall into two orbs of the most beautiful shade of blue he had ever seen. No matter how much he gazed into them, there always seemed to be a nuance that was brand new, covering up a running shadow he swore to grasp.  
He swallowed hard and gave a shaky smile in their direction. Right away they seemed to be brightened up by a blinding smile that made his heart swell.

Dean snapped back to reality when something hit his cheek. He frowned just to hear a quiet laughter emerge from Castiel who mouthed ‘Pick it up idiot’.  
He did so with a small glare that only made the young man laugh more.  
He unwrapped the small ball of paper to see an elegant writing spread across the paper which read ‘You look beautiful when you are lost in your thoughts’.  
Dean felt his face burn up to his ears as he noticed a small arrow under the message. He turned the paper around to see in smaller letters ‘Not that you don’t look beautiful usually, you always are!’.  
As his face became an even darker shade of red, Dean still managed to laugh slowly at Castiel’s awkwardness.   
He bit his lip over and over again, unsure of what he was supposed to answer to that.  
The tingly feeling in his stomach, the memory of the earlier events and some recurrent dreams hitting him hard. There was no point in denying it, he thought Castiel was more than beautiful but was he ready to put that on paper? Once it would be written it would be real, there wouldn’t be a way to back out from it or to laugh it all as a joke. It was giving the black haired boy power over him, trust him with a confession he could barely make to himself.  
‘We all have the potential to destroy each other, I just like to think that there is still good in people. There is people who will love you inconditionally, no matter how much you think that you don't deserve it. Because they see in you what you can't see for yourself, and there is a lot of things that I see in you Mr. Winchester that you're blind to. I guess we'll just have to open up to one another!’ suddently echoed Cas’ voice through his mind.  
Before he couldn’t think about more, Dean tore a piece of paper from his notebook and wrote in his messy handwriting ‘You’re not so bad yourself Mr. Bright Eyes.’ and threw it on Castiel’s nose.  
The latter seemed surprised as he picked it up and his cheeks ended up matching Dean’s as he read the note. Dean confusedly felt pride realizing that he provoked that reaction and that all he wanted was to feel how warm were these cheeks from the tip of his lips.

He gasped when Castiel winked at him and mouthed ‘Park, lunch break’.  
‘Ms. MacLeod, I think that Dean and Castiel have something they would like to share with the class. I mean other than the sexual tension they already provide.’ Suddently claimed the girl they recognized as Bella Talbot and one of Lisa’s guard dogs.  
Dean looked at Castiel that seemed as shocked as he was by this turn of events and was about to protest when their chemistry teacher sighed and said ‘Bella darling, watch your language unless you want to end up in the principal’s office. This is a classroom not a playground.’  
As Dean was letting out the breath he didn’t realize he was holding she continued ‘That also works for the two of you. Don’t think I didn’t notice the notes and giggles. For all our sakes I’m not going to venture on what’s on these but do me a favour and at least pretend to care about what’s going outside your pants for the rest of the period. Alright dearies?’ before turning back to write on the board.  
Completely mortified, Dean stared at his notebook and ignored the laughs and comments for the rest of the lesson. He ran to his next class without looking back as soon as the bell rang but it looked like he wasn’t the first one there.  
On the desk were he usually sat at was a big ‘FAGGOT’ engraved. He stared at it for a while, his mind numbing the laughs behind him only to throw a memory at him sharp as a dagger.

‘You worthless piece of shit, don’t think I didn’t notice you looking at that guy’s ass at the mall. You disgust me. God knows I will beat the gay out of you if I must but I will have no faggot in this family.’ Screamed John as he hit Dean’s back with his belt.  
Dean stopped himself from screaming, knowing that it would only make it worse. He knew that there was no arguing, no explaining, no answering with his father. All he could do was grind his teeth and wait for the storm to pass with the hope that he would get out of it with as little broken bones and bruises as possible. No matter what he did, he didn’t do it intentionally. He didn’t even realize it but his father did and it seemed to be wrong.  
‘Mother – fucking – faggot!’ screamed his father, punctuating every word by a hit harder than the one before.  
A tear rolled down Dean’s cheek but he quickly took it away with the back of his hand. He would not give him the satisfaction of showing his pain, he would not show that he hurted. He would grind his teeth and pretend to be the perfect boy daddy wanted, that everyone would love without asking questions. He would smile and wave even if inside he was falling apart. Because nobody wanted to see a broken soul, nobody cared about the pain he was in. They didn’t want to know about his nightmares and scars. Everyone wanted Dean Winchester, the popular quarterback not the beat up and confused boy.  
He heard his father erratic breath’s finally calm down as he lowered his hand. He did not move, he did not speak, too afraid to do something wrong.  
‘Go clean up and prepare dinner. I hope you will learn this lesson fast boy because I am not afraid to remind it to you until it sinks in.’ John spat before leaving without another look for his son bleeding on the floor.

A solid hand grabbed Dean’s left arm so tight that he thought it would leave a mark, the touch like a burn on his skin. Dean jumped and raised his trembling fist, ready to fight.  
‘Dean, it’s me. You’re alright, I got you remember? I’m not letting you go. Don’t listen to them, they don’t know you, they don’t see you but I do and you are beautiful. Who you truly are is, you don’t have to pretend or justify yourself to anyone. You’re not alone, you got me and I got you so fuck them.’ Whispered Castiel in a calming tone.  
Dean slowly remembered where he was and noticed everyone staring at him. He lowered his hand and looked at Castiel who was giving him a loving smile.  
He did love that smile. Maybe these feelings made him a ‘faggot’ to a lot of people but that also made him important to someone who was important to him. His throat felt tight but he nodded at Castiel, knowing that the boy would understand.  
‘Great, you’re doing great. Just go sit down behind where I usually do, I’ll take this one from now on.’ He stated.  
Dean felt exhausted and just did as he was told, walking to the seat two rows behind and dropping his bag on it. He watched as Castiel looked at the engraving with an unreadable expression and sat down at the table, taking out a pair of scissors.  
For the rest of the lesson, Dean saw him work some lines on the desk discreetly while still taking notes. He packed his things slowly to make sure everyone had left before walking up to the desk and see a familiar handwriting under the insult that now read ‘FAGGOT and unashamed ❤’.  
Dean stared at the small heart drawn at the end of the sentence and traced it with his finger, the knot in his throat becoming easier to swallow.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello dearies, thank you so much for the support on the last chapter. It truly means the world to me.  
> As I don't have a lot of time to write, I chose to make the chapters a bit short but more frequent so I hope you will be okay with that and enjoy it neverthenless.  
> Please let me know what you think and once again, thank you sooo much for being here and reading ♥

Dean took a deep breath and forced himself to look away from the engraving. He promised Castiel that he would meet him outside for lunch and planned on keeping his word.   
That would mean walking down the longest corridor he had ever seen and all the way through the cafeteria, carrying the weight of the gossips and nasty stares in the process but that was the least he could do. The black haired boy had been there for him when he needed it the most, putting himself on the line for Dean without being asked to.   
He didn’t expect anything in return, he was just there. He seemed to have a strangely comforting aura that enveloped Dean in all its warmth, protecting him from harm and slowly pushing his inner demons away. Once he started falling into that dark hole that his father created there was usually no turning back.   
He would often fall in a kind of catharsis, coming back to reality with a tensed and shaking body, with a face wet from the tears and a bitter taste in his mouth. But this time was different, he heard Castiel calling out to him and raising him from perdition. There was something special about him. Dean could feel the darkness hidden behind his empowering light and knew that Castiel would let him see it because it understood and matched his. That was the reason why he couldn’t hide or pretend in front of him. He just knew.  
As he prepared to head towards the door, a soft knock on the window giving on the corridor made him jump.   
He quickly looked up to see Castiel standing on the other side of it with a bright smile and two sandwiches in his hands. Dean couldn’t help but giggle at how excited his classmate looked.

‘Come on Dean, breaks don’t last forever …and I’m hungry!’ said Castiel with a pout.

‘Alright alright, I’m coming!’ laughed Dean as he quickly made his way out of the classroom.

‘I think that we had enough interaction with the commoners, I suggest that we adapt our plans and escape through the back door. How does that sounds?’ suggested Castiel.

‘ I think that’s the best thing I’ve heard all day.’ Answered Dean with a matching smile.

Castiel grabbed his hand and went for the door before he could understand it. They stopped on the top of the small hill overlooking the basketball court, enjoying the light breeze caressing their faces. Dean closed his eyes and popped his head up to let his face bath in the warmth of the sun. He let a content sigh out and felt two soft lips press under his jawline.   
Dean bit his lip slowly and opened his eyes to look at Castiel who kept kissing his neck in different spots with care.   
The grace and adoration that exhaled from his movements took Dean’s breath away for a second, making his chest feel warmer than the sun ever was.   
He dropped his bag on the floor and put his hands on each side of Castiel’s face softly. He brought his face so close to his own that they nose almost touched.   
Dean closed his eyes and brushed his nose against Castiel’s hesitantly before letting their lips touch. The blue eyed boy instantly moved his lips against his own and passed his arms around his neck, still holding onto his lunch bags. Castiel responded to the kiss but let Dean lead it as he understood how important it was to him.   
This time was different, they both knew it. It was a statement.

Dean rejoiced in the moment, capturing the boy’s lips between his own.   
He couldn’t help but feel satisfaction and pride in the small growls that would escape these lips when he sucked or bit gently on them.   
Castiel’s body was pressed onto his and he couldn’t remember feeling anything like that before.   
He felt like he had found one of the essential pieces of the puzzle that was his life, and he was not ready to let it go ever again. 

Dean regretfully broke the kiss to look into Castiel’s confused eyes and say with all the courage that he could gather ‘Look, I’m bad at this. Expressing my feelings and all that, but I know that this can’t really be wrong if it feels so right. I know I’m a handful and it won’t be easy but if you’re willing to try putting up with me, I would be the luckiest guy in the world. What I mean is…were you just trying to be nice last time when you said you were my boyfriend or was that an actual offer?’.

‘You finally took the hint didn’t you? I was starting to be afraid you would never ask. There is nothing I would like more than being your boyfriend.’ Castiel whispered in Dean’s ear before smiling brightly. He kissed Dean’s red cheeks and laughed at the goofy smile the boy gave him in return.

‘Really?’ asked Dean as he held him tightly against him.

‘Really!’ answered Castiel in a laugh.

They shared a loving kiss before Castiel pulled away and said ‘I hate to postpone this trust me, but we should eat before the bell rings!’

‘Fine, party boomer.’ Grunted Dean as he freed him from his grasp and lied down on the grass.

‘Don’t be such a drama queen, now you can get a kiss whenever you want. Plus, I think that you will like what I have for you.’ Said Castiel with an eye roll before dropping one of the bags he was holding on Dean’s chest.

Dean raised an eyebrow and opened the paper bag to find a hamburger and a piece of pie waiting for him in it. His stomach growled at the sight.

‘How did you know?’ asked Dean in awe as he took a bite of the cheeseburger.

‘Well, I don’t need to have superpowers to guess. You mentioned pie and burgers in our conversations more often than you mentioned your family.’ Laughed Castiel before noticing how Dean’s expression darkened with his words.

‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything by that. You just seemed quite secretive about your family except for Sam and Bobby.’ He apologized.

‘It’s alright, I do avoid talking about the rest of my family. I guess I’m gonna have to get used to open up to you if we want this to work out. It will take time to be able to tell you everything, but basically we lost my mom in a fire when we were kids and my dad is an asshole. Bobby convinced him to let us live with him for at least a year so Sammy and I could stop staying in motels while dad bails on us and get a chance at having an actual education.’ Explained Dean, avoiding to look in Castiel’s eyes.

‘I understand. I never knew my mother, she died while giving birth to me and I think my father never forgave me for it. He left when I was around five and my oldest brother Raphael took custody of me and my other siblings.’ Sympathized Castiel, caressing the back of Dean’s neck.

Dean turned his head to him quickly in surprised. Castiel had never told him about any of this before, all he knew about his family was that he had too many siblings for him to remember. He had considered it a fair game as he himself avoided the subject but now that he knew more, he couldn’t stop but wonder about what was going on in the Novak’s house that made Castiel miss school so frequently.

‘Cas, stop me if I’m put my nose where it doesn’t belong but is everything okay with your brother? I know that you said you get sick easily but I don’t buy it…there is something going on you’re not telling me. You can trust me, I’m here for you and if anyone is hurting you in anyway I want to know.’ Insisted Dean, bringing Castiel closer to him.

‘I appreciate that Dean, but that’s a story for another time. Like you said, some things take time. Let’s not ruin this beautiful moment. I’m alright and I got you now. How could anything be wrong?’ answered Castiel before kissing him once again.

Dean knew that he was just changing subject once again but didn’t want to force the truth out of him, knowing way too well how that felt.   
He would prove him that he could be trustworthy and watch over him the best he could. He kissed him back with an arm wrapped around his shoulders when he heard someone clear their throat.   
They both jumped apart and turned around to see Sam standing in front of them with his arms crossed.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, as we all know by now, I can't keep up with my promises.  
> I know it's been months and if you're still reading you might hate me for never uploading.  
> I get that and I'm sorry. I wish I could do better but with work and everything going on around, I have trouble writing.  
> I just hope that you will like this chapter and forgive my inconsistance. I'll try to upload more soon :)  
> Thank you so much to you, amazing reader that is somehow still here.  
> It means the world to me ♥  
> Let me know what you think!

The more he stared in his brother’s eyes the more he could feel his chest tighten. It was becoming hard to breath, a feeling of impending doom overwhelming him. He could hear his father’s voice echo in his head while his breathing became more erratic.

‘’ You really think that anyone would still love you if they knew? They would all be as disgusted with you as I am. You can keep on pretending that I’m misunderstanding, that it’s not what it looks like but you don’t fool me boy. I warned you before. Don’t you think I saw you staring at the neighbour’s son? You’re a disgrace, a poor imitation of a man. What if Sam saw you? Did you think about that? Of course not, because all that matters to you is your own perverted ass.’’ Screamed John between two belt strikes.

Dean clenched his teeth, knowing that nothing he would say could make a difference anymore. He had tried talking to his father but he just didn’t want to listen. There would always be something wrong with him. John would always turn things around so he had something to fuel his never ending rage. Dean just happened to be the perfect scapegoat. He could feel blood dripping along his spine, he bit his lip hard not to scream as the next hit came.

‘’He would be so disappointed. The kid actually looks up to you and that’s the example you set? If he ever finds out you will loose the one good thing you still have going for you. He will see you for the monster you truly are. Is that what you want? Because he will abandon you, he will have to protect himself from you and leave. And it will all be your fault.’’

It was like falling down a well. His heart was in free fall and he could only see through a dark tunnel. Distant voices were trying to reach him but he seemed too far gone. That was until he felt warmth wrapped all around him, two hands clenching on the back of his shirt. 

‘’Stay with me Dean, it’s alright. Everything is fine, I still love you. I always will.’’ Said Sam in a reassuring voice, his arms tightening around Dean even more. ‘’ You are my brother, as long as you’re happy so am I. Please don’t run away from me, you don’t have to hide.’’ He continued.

Dean felt tears roll down his cheeks. He didn’t know when he started crying but he knew that something had changed within him. His father was wrong. Sam knew and still loved him. He knew and was the one begging him to stay. He was never going to abandon him. Dean started to cry louder, as all the pressure and anxiety he had be holding in for years poured out. He repeated to himself that Sam knew and it would be alright. After some minutes passed and Dean started to calm down, Sam carefully backed down while still holding on his brother’s shoulders.

‘’Come on, you got 99 problems but I ain’t one!’’ he said with a smile.

Dean laughed and ran a hand on his face.

‘’How about you properly introduce me to your…friend?’’ asked Sam with a grin and a raised eyebrow.

They both turned to Castiel who had been silent all along, taking his distance not to intrude. He was now watching Dean with a fond smile even if he still seemed quite uncomfortable.  
Dean cleared his throat and took a deep breath.

‘’Sammy, this is my boyfriend Castiel. Cas, as you can guess, this is my little brother.’’ He said with prudence as he was still expecting Sam to change his mind about him and storm out, swearing that he didn’t want anything to do with him anymore.

Sam held out a hand to Castiel right away with a warm smile. The black haired boy shook it happily.

‘’Little brother? He’s almost taller than you are already!’’ he laughed

‘’And more handsome too! What can we do, I got all the best characteristics! But seriously, it’s nice to meet you Castiel! It’s good to put a face on my brother’s daydreams.’’ He teased.

Dean felt his cheeks redden as he muttered a ‘’shut up’’.

‘’It is nice meeting you too. I wish it had been in a better context, we didn’t mean for you to find out this way.’’ Said Castiel with an apologetic look.

‘’Guys, I don’t want to break it to you but you’re not exactly discrete. The hallway incident? I was in the crowd. And people talk…but as I said it never mattered to me. I just want my brother to be happy and judging by the stupid smile plastered on his face everytime he sees or talks to you, you’re doing great. Just please be careful, don’t underestimate people’s stupidity. Lisa is still stuck with the idea that she belongs with Dean. Be aware of her and her minions but don’t let it ruin your life either. I don’t know, I just heard people talk and I got worried when I couldn’t find you anywhere…I thought they might have done something. But I’m glad to see you’re fine, more than that actually.’’ He finished with a grin.

‘’Don’t worry Sammy, I can handle it. We can handle it. People will never stop talking or hating. If there’s something I’ve learned over the years it’s that no matter how hard you try to be good, the ones who want to have a problem with you will find an excuse to do so. I’m done being the good boy people want me to be, I’m done pretending since either way it doesn’t change anything. I’ll just be me and deal with what that implies. One thing at a time.’’ Stated Dean as he looked into Castiel’s eyes.

‘’It was about time! And you know you can always count on me. From now on, I don’t want anymore bullshit, just tell me what’s up. I’m not dad, I will never judge you or blame you for feeling the way you feel.’’ Said Sam with a nod.

Castiel came closer, wrapping his arm around his boyfriend’s waist to show his support.

‘’Looks like we’ve just became Team Free Will!’’ laughed Dean. 

‘’Castiel, meet my brother Dean. He’s an Aquarius, he loves long drives by the beach and cover up his insecurities behind humour.’’ Joked Sam, earning a light punch in the shoulder from Dean.

‘’To show how wrong you are, I propose that we all have dinner together at home tonight. We can update Bobby on these life changes. If we’re gonna be honest about it, we can be hiding from him.’’ Offered Dean, taking everyone by surprise.

Sam nodded and got up as the second bell rang.

‘’That’s a good idea. I’ll wait for you guys by the car at the end of the day then, we can bring Castiel along. If that’s alright with you of course.’’

‘’That sounds great, I’ll be honoured.’’ Answered Castiel.

‘’Don’t be because you will regret coming once you eat Dean’s food.’’ Laughed Sam.

‘’ Hey, shut your mouth! I’m an excellent cook, you just can’t appreciate anything! Don’t you have to go anyway? I think your nerdy friends are calling out for you, we wouldn’t want you to miss class because of us!’’ argued Dean.

Sam started to walk back to the main building with a laugh when he suddenly stopped with a frown, making Dean’s gust twist. He quickly sprinted back up to them, looking only at Castiel.

‘’Wait, your family name is Novak isn’t it? Do you know Gabriel?’’ he asked in a curious tone.

Dean saw his boyfriend’s eyes go wide for a minute before a smile crept on his face.

‘’Indeed. He’s my brother. So you’re the Sam I’ve been hearing about.’’ He said as he smile got wider.

Sam seemed to blush for a moment before quickly running away, his voice reaching them from afar.

‘’Well that’s cool. See you later guys, bye! Don’t do anything that will get you expelled!’’

‘’What the hell was that all about? Care to explain?’’ asked Dean utterly confused.

That only made the black haired boy laugh as he stood up, holding out a hand for Dean to do the same. When he did, Castiel held him close and brushed their noses together.

‘’I’m afraid that’s not my story to tell. You will have to ask Sam. Are you sure about tonight? I don’t want you to feel like you have to rush into this. The whole thing with your brother was already a lot to handle for one day.’’ He whispered against Dean’s lips.

‘’Yeah Cas, I’m sure. No more bullshit remember? I hid long enough, even to the ones who are the closest to me. It’s time.’’ Dean said, sure of himself for the first time.


End file.
